There are no words to adequately name this post...

Unfortunately, facebook status message does not provide the opportunity for me to post the entirety of our situation since we moved to Washington.  Apparently, our first move (the one the army paid for) was just for practice.

I was relatively tight-lipped about this up until two days ago because I genuinely thought I was losing my mind.  Really.  I was on the verge of dialing a head shrinker.  I'll start from the beginning.

Our new townhome in Puyallup was amazing.  It was huge and newly remodeled.  It had gigantic closets, a two car garage, and tons of children to play with.  Needless to say, everyone was delighted.  We worked furiously to get the bedrooms together so that we could sleep comfortably our first night in our new home.

Sometime during the night, I awoke and saw what appeared to be a person, standing in the corner of our bedroom watching us sleep.  I'm not sure what anyone else would do, but I screamed bloody murder and damn near gave Nick a heart attack.  He jumped up cussing and ready to kick some ass, however, by the time he figured out what I was screaming about, the "watcher" was gone.  Nearly crying, I explained to him that there was a person in the corner watching us and that they had red light glowing all around their head. Nick soothed me and convinced me that it had just been a nightmare so I snuggled up close to him and drifted back off to sleep.

The following day, I returned a few rental documents to the property manager.  As new residents, she asked how we were getting along in Washington and if all was well with our townhome.  I explained that we loved our new home, however, I was having nightmares and I had even woke up and thought I had seen someone who was watching us sleep.  She expressed surprise and told me that no one had ever said anything like that before about that unit.  She also asked if anything like that had happened before.  I explained that nothing like that had really happened before but occasionally, I get "feelings" about places.  I told her that I just felt like something bad had happened in our apartment because I got really bad vibes about the place.

A day or so later, when I was just drifting off to sleep, our bedroom door open, the floor board creaked, and I saw a black shadow move across the wall.  I assumed, since Nick and I were accounted for, that Christian needed something.  I asked "What do you need, Buddy?" This awoke Nick, who looked around the room and explained to me that no one was there.  Christian was soundly asleep in his bed.

I continued to sleep very restlessly, sometimes waking and wimpering about seeing things like red halos or shadows, and Nick continued to sooth me and I would assume it was a bad dream and go back to sleep.  I had grown accustomed to waking, seeing something a little odd, assuming it was me, and going back sleep.  This was an arrangement I could live with.  Unfortunately, this arrangement did not last.

A few days ago, I awoke to see a man standing over me.  His face was only a few inches from mine.  He was bald.  His features were soft and rounded.  Believing that I had truly lost my mind, I closed my eyes and thought when you open your eyes, the face will be gone. You are dreaming. Well, this plan seemed really awesome at the time, however, what really happened was not awesome.  Not only was the face still there, but had decided to smile at me.  Not a nice, tender smile.  It was a menacing, toothy grin.  I went completely ape-shit.  This was not a nondescript form in a corner or a shadow.  This was a person who's face I could describe and pick out of a lineup if I needed to.  Nick went through the routine of calming his hysterical wife.

By this point in time, the freaking out thing had gotten old for all of us.  I was barely sleeping, Christian would run to our room, Nick was being woken up nightly, sometimes multiple times in a single night, by his restless wife.


Two days ago, I took little Petunia out for her evening stroll and was approached by a random guy who started a conversation with me about Boston Terriers.  He asked me if we lived in the unit next to the elderly couple and I told him that, yes, indeed we did live in that unit.  He then proceeded to explain to me about the history of our new home.  According to random guy, a male tenant took his life there a few years ago.  Now, completely freaked out, I quickly ended our conversation and run-walked home to find Nick.  Nick and I went to the neighbors to verify the man's version of events.  According to the neighbors, a man had indeed taken his own life in the garage of our new home.

The following day, I returned to the rental unit, explained the continued "problems" with our townhouse and requested a new townhouse.  After multiple apologies, the young woman who manages the property provided us with keys to a new home... all the way on the other side of the property.

There are many details that I have left out, however, I can confirm that, without prior knowledge of the tragedy, I absolutely knew something bad had happened and could tell you details about his appearance and the circumstances surrounding his death that I should not have known.  I can also tell you that, I have no love for haunted houses, and I hope to never encounter an "entity" ever again.

Scentsy Stuff...

Although I will never be an independent consultant for the Scentsy people, I decided to weigh in on the fragrances since, between my mom and I, we seem to be trying to smell them all.  If you are interested in trying any of this stuff (and I highly recommend it... my house smells AMAZING!) you can check out my brother-in-law Fred's page here.

I found a similar scale on someone else's page so I stole it and modified it for me:

:D Love it!

:) Like it!

:/ It's ok.

:( Not a fan.

**** super strong like blow you away strong

*** definitely can smell it but it's not overwhelming

** subtle but there

* did I forget to turn the warmer on?

You should try them for yourself and not just base your choices on my opinions.  The lady who's scale I borrowed had VERY different opinions from me.  

Baked Apple Pie  :D *** This one does smell like you walked into mom's house when she's got an apple pie in the oven.  If I didn't know better, I would try to eat the wax.  It smelled that good.  

Blueberry Cheesecake :( ** This one was too sweet for my taste.  It smelled good but didn't remind me of cheesecake or blueberries.  

Cinnamon Bear :) *** Cinnamon Bear is... well... cinnamon.  If you don't like cinnamon, you'll hate it.  We like cinnamon so we like it.  It's like walking into a mouth full of red hots.  We like red hots... therefore, we like cinnamon bears.  

Clean Breeze :D *** I love when my house smells clean.  Clean Breeze is a pack of clean smelling house and fresh smelling laundry and I love it.  

Cucumber Lime :) **  Cucumber lime is a very clean, subtle scent.  It's not overwhelming and pretty much exactly what you would expect from the name.  The cucumber gives it a very "cool" smell if that makes any sense at all.  

Hazelnut Latte :) *** This one smells like you have something great in the oven.  It's sweet and nutty and buttery and good.  This is another one that I might accidentally try eating the wax after 10 too many beers.

Just Breathe :/ **** This one is lemony.  Like put the slices right up your nose and inhale. It's strong.  Very strong.  So strong it nearly burns your nasal passages.  It smells great but use it in a wide open space.  You have been warned.

Kahiko Hula :) *** Kahiko Hula is my son's favorite.  Imagine yourself on a pool deck sipping on a pina colada with a side of pineapple juice.  It's sweet but not overwhelming.  We put this on when we are feeling tropical.

Home Sweet Home :) ** Home Sweet Home is definitely something sweet to come home to.  It's pleasant but not overwhelming and it's fruity but not overly sweet.  I think it smells like applesauce.

  

Honey & Oats :D ***  This one is sweet and tasty smelling.  It's another one of those scents where I walk into mom's house and look in the oven.  

Perfectly Pomegranate :D ** We are big fans of the ole Perfectly Pomegranate.  This is Nick's favorite so far.  It is very much like a pomegranate in that it's sweet but not too sweet and subtle.  It's not overwhelming and great when you don't feel like a powerful fragrance. It smells a like a pixie stick to me.  I like the smell of pixie sticks.

I placed a new order today so I'll update with 6 new ones soon. 

Headband Curls

I was trying these in my last blog so I figured the results deserve their own page.  It was easy and looked pretty darn good for a first attempt.

First, I wrapped my barely damp hair around the headband.  I used relatively small sections about one inch wide and wrapped them uniformly around the headband.  Yes, there is a bow on the front of this headband.  It was slightly humiliating but it served my purpose. This is when I achieved "Princess Leah" status with Nick...

 This is what it looked like when I first unwound it from the headband.  At first I was thinking trainwreck, but...

After finger combing it out, the curl looks much softer and more natural...

Pulling it up made the curl look much fuller and more uniform...

 And the final product was not horrible.  I will definitely do this again...

A lot can happen in four months

I have managed to not post a single blog in over four months and, in this relatively short period of time, I have gotten married, planned to get married, graduated from college, and started graduate school.  Oh and I volunteer at my kid's school.  I think I have tried to compact 10 years worth of stuff into 4 months so I'll give myself a pass on the failure to blog thing.
The wedding stuff is actually going very well but I feel as though I'm forgetting something.  It's that same sensation you get when you are walking out the door and you know you are forgetting something important.  You figure it will be o.k. so you close the door, walk to your car, and realize you left your purse in the house.  Your very locked house. With your keys and phone safely inside.  Oh crap.  Time to look like a crazy person and walk to the neighbor's house and hope they're home so you can call the poor sucker who has the unfortunate duty of bailing your butt out of disaster.  So other than the sinking feeling that we are going to be in Florida and my wedding dress is going to be in Virginia, I'm doing all right.
I think my favorite part so far is playing with my hair.  Prior to planning for this event, my hair had two states... wild and ponytail.  Now I have started sporting the messy bun, the curly bun, the double bun, the sock bun, and numerous other "bun type" fashions.  In the last month, I've had more buns than a bakery.
The latest attempt is "headband" curls.  This just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.  I'll have to add a picture if its not too awful.  Nick walked out of the bedroom and said "Nice hair.  You look like Princess Leah."  Thanks hun.  That would be great if this was a Star Wars wedding.  So anyway, this hairdo will probably not be so great and I'll have to go to school looking like a frizzy poodle. I've worn pajamas to a certification exam so some poodle hair is not out of the question.
Oh and the added problem with the hair?  My Maid of Honor was supposed to do my hair but managed to break her clavicle (collar bone for my non-bio friends) and separate her shoulder so she needed surgical correction and is a one-armed wonder.  So in a nutshell, I'm on my own but I'm not too worried about it.  I have 6 more weeks to work this out and I'm pretty sure Nick won't know the difference.  He's the only one I really need to impress anyway.  :)

A Family Outing

Nick and I decided to take C and his friend from school to King's Dominion this past Friday and overall it was a wonderful day.  As with any trip, we had a few hiccups and a few highlights.  I'd like to share a couple of these with you.

I love Nick and I'm about to explain why in a couple sentences.  I am relatively intolerant of other people's kids when they are ill mannered.  Nick makes me look like the patron saint of patience.  While waiting for one of our first rides, a child of about 15-16 wanted to appear to be using oral tobacco products (aka dip) and so to make the appearance realistic, he found it necessary to spit all over the walk way and railing where everyone was trudging along and leaning as they waited patiently in line for their turn on The Grizzly.  Folks, it wasn't just a drop or two.  The kid was spitting enough to make Pavlov's dogs jealous.  I was wondering if he had an issue with his salivary glands because no normal person would produce that much spit whether using a tobacco product or not.  Well me being me, I figured if I just bitched loudly enough that they could catch the general idea of what was being said and hoped that the words "No son, it's just that his mother didn't raise him better" would be enough of a hint for the kid to stop spitting all over the place.  Not one for subtlety, Nick speaks up and says "Hey kid, how about you stop fuckin' spittin' all over the place where people are walking?"  As you may suspect, the kid refrained from spitting on The Grizzly and, apparently scared straight, he wasn't spitting in the line of the next ride we saw him in several hours later either.  I was deathly afraid that this was going to be a trend for the rest of the day.  Kid acts stupid.  Nick tells them why they are stupid.  Fortunately, this was an isolated incident and Nick didn't have to straighten anyone else out for the rest of the day (myself included.)

After the issue of the spitting kid was resolved, we were free to move on with our day.  Nick is great to ride roller coasters with.  I talk a lot.  I know this.  I don't need anyone to tell me.  On the total opposite end of the spectrum is Nick.  He is generally a fairly quiet man.  However, for some reason he wants to have a full conversation with me as the roller coaster is zooming around a track.  I'm being jostled to the point of acquiring black eyes and a concussion, screaming my face off, and Nick is talking to me about the roller coaster, his future plans, and whatever else comes to mind in that 3 minutes and 46 seconds.  I don't want this to change.  It's just an observation.  If I want to know what's going on with Nick, take him on a roller coaster.

At some point in the day, I decided it was best to blame all my insane screaming on Nick.  It's not like the people in front or behind us can actually see what's going on.  They just hear screaming as if someone is being stabbed to death in a cart near them.  So when the cart stopped rolling, I would exclaim "NICK!  IS ALL THAT SCREAMING REALLY NECESSARY?"  to which Nick answered "DAMN IT WOMAN!  I WILL BEAT YOU!" and everyone in all the carts around us broke up laughing hysterically.  

Another favorite moment for me was riding the Intimidator with C.  For some reason, this roller coaster scares the beejezus out of C.  I'm not sure if it's the part where you are cruising up a 305 foot hill at an extremely steep incline or if its the part where you really can't see what's coming up next or if it's the part where you drop 290-some-odd feet at close to 100 mph but what ever it is, it scares the crap out of little C.  Well, for every other roller coaster in the park, C had been a brave trooper.  He rode with his friend.  For this one, he insisted on riding with his dear old mom.  As we were going up the hill, C's eyes got about as big as saucers and he began to have a full blown panic attack.  My son started screaming "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" at the top of his lungs when we were roughly 250 feet in the air.  A great mother probably would've had some great thing to say that would make it all better.  I'm apparently not that mother.  When he freaks out like that, he freaks me out too.  I looked over at him after we had made the gigundous plummet to the Earth and he screamed "Woooohoooo!"  

So anyway, that sums up the major events of our day at Kings Dominion.  First, Nick loves kids that spit. Second, Nick screams on roller coasters, and lastly, C loves the Intimidator. 

Suzy Q: The Diabolical Dog

Suzy, came to live with us a few months ago after her owner contacted me and stated that he was being evicted for having a dog unless Suzy found a new home.  Since coming to live with us, I have spent many minutes each day chasing a little brown and white dog across our yard and yelling at Suzy to get out of our bathtub.  Apparently, the water droplets in there taste better than the water in her bowl.  She is cute and small and graceful and moves more like a bunny rabbit than a dog when she runs.  I call her "Bunny-Dog" and Nick calls her "Tiny Dancer Dog."

First, Suzy is a Jack Russell Terrier.  The Chihuahua in her is inconsequential.  She looks like a Jack Russell Terrier.  She acts like a Jack Russell Terrier.  Therefore, for all intents and purposes, she is a Jack Russell Terrier.  Second, we are NOT Jack Russell Terriers so Suzy has infinitely more energy than anyone else in our household.  We sent my offspring to play with Suzy outside once and, ten minutes later, he came back with the ball, sweaty and panting, asking to please go inside.  Suzy stood in the yard wondering who was going to play with her next.  To tire her out, we decided to try sending Suzy out with Nick on a run.  Suzy was wiped out for a good hour or two afterward.  Nick was wiped out for a solid week.  Now we just take her into the backyard and get her really excited until she runs frantic circles around everyone and then eventually collapses.  It works for us.  It works for her.  

Another characteristic of Suzy (and of most Jack Russell Terriers from what I understand) is that she is smarter than most people.  Suzy "treat" trains like a champ.  Most maneuvers only require 4-5 repetitions and she's got it.  This is a far cry from Brutus the Chinese Crested who, after saying his name daily for months, I'm quite confident would've answered to "Kitty" and had no idea who the hell "Brutus" was.  Assuming it would be a futile gesture, I never attempted "sit" or "down" or "stay."  Brutus is cute but we'll just say his bulb is pretty dim.  

You may be wondering why the "Suzy is smart" thing is an issue.  Well, Suzy has a diabolical mind and she is evil.  Suzy screws with Nick and Christian because she can.  Me, she seems to like.  Nick thinks she and I are in cahoots so I spend a disproportionate amount of time in trouble.  Suzy prefers to jump on balls.  Not the rollie kind that get fetched... the kind you really don't want jumped on... the kind I don't have.  If Suzy jumps on the couch, she's aiming for gonads.  Somehow, telepathically, I tell her to do this.

Nick also seems to believe that I ask Suzy to position her rear end on his arm as she lays next to him.  After all the crap that we have been through with Nick's shoulder, I would never risk harm to Nick's arm like that.  Suzy's anus could wilt plastic flowers.  Suzy is 10 pounds of tiny dog capable of producing the most noxious flatulence ever experienced by man.  It's not my fault that I fan it away from myself.  I'm certainly not going to sit there and marinade.  By the time Nick realizes what has happened, he yells "Oh Jesus!" jumps up, and runs from the room.  Then when the room has cleared and Suzy's trying to figure out what happened, she lets out an impressive burp that vibrates the glass in the window panes.  Nick and I stare on in disbelief that such a cute and graceful little dog could be so offensive.  Suzy lays back down and resumes licking her feet.    

Nick and I have spent a few nights discussing whether or not the eviction story was true.  I have my own theory.  I believe the owners chose not to keep Suzy because she is a handful.  She is a bundle of energy and the gas thing is enough to evoke fear in the faint of heart but we love her.  If you have no experience with dogs and are not a critter person, Suzy would NOT be the dog for you.  She would alpha dog out on you and make you her bitch.  With the right amount of discipline, however, she is a total goofball and manages to fit right in with our family (except for the gas thing... we all still run from the room while yelling "Damn it, Suzy!")

Why Telemarketers Are Better Off Calling Someone Else

Today was my first telemarketing call in months.  I'm pretty sure there is a warning note that comes up next to my number.  "DO NOT CALL THIS WOMAN.  SHE WILL GO BAT SHIT ON YOU."
Today some poor bastard made the mistake of calling my cell phone and asking to speak to Nick.  The first error came in dialing my number.  The second was in asking for Nick.  Since Nick and I live together and, as such, he has to hear all my bitching about telemarketers calling and asking for him, it's highly unlikely that he would torture himself by giving out my phone number just for giggles.  If Nick wants to talk to someone, one would suspect that Nick would give them HIS number rather than handing out mine.
As usual, upon direct questioning a gentleman with a foreign accent suspiciously named "Bob" refused to disclose how he had acquired my telephone number.  He stated he was with the "Fitness Research Marketing Firm" and that he could only speak with Mr. Deatherage.  "Boob" and I went round and round about this detail for several minutes and he seemed to fail to grasp the facts that a) he was calling the wrong number to speak with "Mr. Deatherage" and b) hell would freeze over before I would provide him with the right number.
In closing our conversation, I asked Boob to remove my phone number from their database and he let me know that he would try back for Nick later.  Seriously?  Did this guy drink from the really good flask before he left for work this morning?  What part of "you have the wrong number if you are trying to reach Nick" and "take my number out of your database" did this jackass fail to understand?  I wished him good luck with that one.
There is only one company that we have recently associated my phone number with Nick's name and if, in my super scattered brain, I can remember who it is, I will never buy so much as a one cent piece of candy from them again.  So take that.